10 thinks to STOP doing if you want to be HAPPY!

Written by James Clear

1. Avoiding deep and meaningful connections (like marriage, close friendships, and staying in touch with family)

 Ultimately, the human experience is about connecting with other people. Connection is what provides value and meaning to our lives. We’re wired for it and research proves just that.

2. Sitting wrecks our bodies: It can significantly increase risk of cardiovascular disease 

You might want to stand up for this. The internet has gone crazy over this infographic that describes the harmful effects of sitting all day.

3. Never stopping to just breathe.

From the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, do you ever take 15 minutes to just sit and breathe? I rarely do. And that’s a shame because the benefits of mindfulness and meditation are huge. Meditation reduces stress and anxiety. Meditation improves your quality of life and boost your immune system. Meditation has been shown to decrease anger and improve sleep, even among prison inmates.

4. Not joining a (spiritual) community

There is an interesting and growing body of medical research that has discovered the positive health effects of religion and spirituality. The science doesn’t necessarily say that there is anything inherently healthy about religion, but it’s all the by-products that come from practicing religion that can make a big difference.For example, people with strong faith often release control of their struggles and worries to a higher power, which can help to relieve anxiety and stress. Religious groups also offer a strong source of community and friendships, which is critical for health and happiness. In many cases, the strength of friendships formed with fellow believers can last for decades, and those strong personal ties are crucial for long-term health.

5. Ignoring your creative abilities.

Expressing yourself creatively reduces the risk of disease and illness while simultaneously strengthening your health and wellness. For example, this study from the Harvard School of Public Health revealed that art helps to reduce stress and anxiety, increase positive emotions, and reduce the likelihood of depression, along with many other benefits.Another study, which was published in the Journal of Biobehavioral Medicine, discovered that creative writing improved the immune system response of HIV patients. For more ideas on why creating art is healthy, read this: The Health Benefits of Creativity.

6. Spending all day indoors.

Exploring the world around you — whether that means traveling to faraway lands or hiking through the woods in your area — provides a wide range of mental and physical benefits. For starters, the benefits of sunlight (and the negative effects of artificial light) are well-documented in research. We know that not being outdoors enough significantly decreases our Vitamin D intake. Additionally, researchers have begun to discover that wilderness excursions — known as “adventure therapy” — can promote weight loss, improve the self-esteem of people with mental illness, and evenreduce the rearrest rates of sex offenders.

7. Spending your time consuming instead of contributing and producing.

When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.

—Eleanor Roosevelt

“You can’t control the amount of time you spend on this planet, but you can control what you contribute while you’re here. These contributions don’t have to be major endeavors. Cook a meal instead of buying one. Play a game instead of watching one. Write a paragraph instead of reading one. You don’t have to create big contributions, you just need to live out small ones each day.”

8. Working too much and in a job that you don’t love

Basically any way in which your job makes you feel stressed is bad for your health — unpredictable commutes, tension and disagreement with your boss or coworkers, feeling undervalued or unappreciated. Even working overtime increases the risk for coronary heart disease, independent of outside factors.

Another crucial element to observe here is to fall in love with our body’s natural rhythm of working: The Ultradian Rhythm. Taking consistent breaks and not working for longer than ~90 minutes, can have a huge benefit for our health and feeling of happiness:

9. Eating alone

Brian Wansink, a Cornell professor and author of Mindless Eating, has written that when people eat alone they are more likely to have a large binge feeding. Additionally, diets suffer when people eat alone. Lonely diners tend to eat fewer vegetables and less healthy meals. It seems that we make less of an effort to eat well when we are by ourselves than when someone else is involved.

10. Believing that you are unworthy of health, happiness, and love

"There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who struggle for it. And that was that people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging.

"That’s it. They believe they’re worthy. The one thing that keeps us out of connection is the fear that we’re not worthy of connection."
—Brene Brown

"If you allow your fear or vulnerability or shame to prevent you from showcasing your true self, then you will be preventing yourself from connecting fully with others. If you want to be able to move past fear, judgement, and uncertainty and into a healthier and happier life, then you have to give yourself permission first. You have to decide that you’re worthy.

Read everything;  10-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself-to-be-happier-backed-by-science

This is some of the best advices I have seen collected together, I think I will print them out and leave them on my fridge! With chronic pain and fatigue it can be hard to get out of the chair/bed/sofa. I think I must make a commitment to myself, so I can begin with improving one point at the time every week. 
Then we will see how it works, maybe I feel happier in ten weeks from now ! 

When life is weighing us down everything becomes heavier!

The Influence of Social Power on Weight Perception.

Lee, Eun Hee; Schnall, Simone
Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Feb 3 , 2014, No Pagination Specified.

"Three studies explored whether social power affects the perception of physical properties of objects, testing the hypothesis that the powerless find objects to be heavier than the powerful do. Correlational findings from Study 1 revealed that people with a low personal sense of power perceived loaded boxes to be heavier than people with a high personal sense of power perceived them to be. In Study 2, experimentally manipulated power indicated that participants in the powerless condition judged the boxes to be heavier than did participants in the powerful condition. Study 3 further indicated that lacking power actively influences weight perception relative to a neutral control condition, whereas having power does not. Although much research on embodied perception has shown that various physiological and psychosocial resources influence visual perception of the physical environment, this is the first demonstration suggesting that power, a psychosocial construct that relates to the control of resources, changes the perception of physical properties of objects. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2014 APA, all rights reserved)"

Interesting findings,and no doubt real. Perhaps why many social "losers" end up on welfare!! So to get out of the circle, empowering people in some way would have good effect. To gain control over our own life is essential for our performance-level in all areas. And acceptance for the things we can not change!

A 23 min stress-down

Whenever I feel too stressed out or ill to think or do anything reasonable, I like to take my car and just drive, to places I never been or places with soothing scenery. I found this lovely drive today, for those who can not just do that!
This was a beautiful and gorgeous drive and the music! ...enjoy!
Drive the Canyons

Codependency

Strongly recommended to read:

‘Addicted’ to an Addict? 5 Warning Signs of Codependency

By David Sack, M.D.

People can become addicted to any number of substances or behaviors, including drugs, gambling, sex and food, but can you become addicted to another person? In some sense, yes – it’s called codependency, and it can be extremely damaging to both individuals.
Codependency can arise in any type of relationship, but we most commonly think of the addict and their highly enmeshed spouse or partner. By denying the existence of a problem, trying to control the addict’s drug use or rescuing them from the consequences of their actions, the partner enables the addiction. The partner feels needed and the addict feels justified in maintaining their drug habit. It’s a win-win that actually ends up being lose-lose.
Where do we learn codependent behaviors? Most people learn them from their role models growing up, especially if they were raised in an addicted or dysfunctional home. For example, children of alcoholics are up to four times more likely to become addicts themselves, and about half go on to marry an addict and duplicate the addict/codependent model they saw in their parents. Others may suffer traumatic experiences early in life, which contribute to low self-esteem, a fear of abandonment and other codependent traits.
Since enmeshment is the only way they know how to be in a relationship, few people recognize their own codependent patterns, instead labeling themselves selfless or “too nice.” All they know is that they have a pattern of unstable, one-sided and in some cases abusive relationships. Here are a few additional signs that you may be in a codependent relationship:

#1 Taking Responsibility for Others

People who struggle with codependency feel a heightened sense of responsibility for the thoughts, needs and decisions of others, as well as their ultimate satisfaction in life. Often in a controlling or manipulative way, they try to solve other people’s problems and offer unsolicited advice, doing far more than their share to ensure the individual’s happiness.
Although their efforts may at first seem noble, they are in fact driven by the codependent’s need to feel needed. Serving others, often to the exclusion of their own needs and desires, is the only way they feel valued and loved. All of this self-sacrifice leads to anger and resentment, which often manifests in other mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, sex and relationship addictions, and substance abuse, as well as physical health problems.

#2 Putting Someone Else’s Feelings Above Your Own

Codependent individuals have little sense of self. To sustain some sort of interpersonal connection, they focus on how their partner feels, how they think and what they believe rather than paying attention to their own feelings, values and beliefs. They become consumed by the other person and lose themselves in the process.

#3 Going to Extremes to Hold Onto a Relationship

A codependent relationship is based on fear. Fears of abandonment, being alone or being rejected lead to an extreme need for acceptance and approval, which in turn leads to desperate attempts to please others. The codependent partner resents the addict for being sick, yet fears getting well could mean losing their identity as the addict’s caretaker. As a result, they accept blame where it properly falls elsewhere, change their clothing and appearance to please others, give up friends or hobbies, and go to other extremes to maintain the status quo.

#4 Difficulty Recognizing and Communicating Emotions

There is a sharp disconnect between who the codependent partner is and who they think they are. Because their identity is so wrapped up in another person, their emotions mirror the addict’s. If the addict is having a good day, so is the codependent partner. Without the addict’s influence, the codependent has difficulty making decisions and recognizing and asserting their own wishes. In some cases, they choose to be in a relationship with the addict out of pity or a belief they can “fix” them, mistaking those feelings for love.

#5 Inability to Set and Maintain Personal Boundaries

In the absence of healthy role models, codependent individuals struggle to set personal boundaries that protect them from harm. They say yes when they mean no and take charge of situations that others are capable of handling. Doing so supplies a false sense of self-confidence even as they fail to protect themselves from victimization.For codependents, recovery is less about their relationship with an addict and more about restoring a healthy sense of self. It’s about learning to love and care for oneself rather than trying to fix someone else."

 David Sack, M.D., is board certified in addiction psychiatry and addiction medicine.  Dr. Sack served as a senior clinical scientist at the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) where his research interests included affective disorders, seasonal and circadian rhythms, and neuroendocrinology.  He currently serves as CEO  of Elements Behavioral Health, a network of addiction treatment centers that includes Promises rehab centers in California, The Ranch in Tennessee, The Recovery Place drug rehab in Florida, and Right Step and  Spirit Lodge in Texas.

 

Doctors in the dark

To live in the northern hemisphere can be a challenge to anyone, even doctors.

Younger doctors are more depressed.

October 12, 2012 - 06:32

Article from University of Oslo

The younger the medical student, the greater their risk of developing symptoms of depression.

Keywords: Medicine, Mental health, Young adults

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By: Marianne Baksjøberg

One of the research findings is that the younger the medical student is, the higher their risk of depression. (Photo: Colourbox)

In the last 15 years 600 doctors have repeatedly answered questions on their drinking habits and their moods.
The huge data material has been analyzed by psychologist Kjersti Støen Grotmol, who studies hazardous alcohol consumption and symptoms of depression among Norwegian doctors.
All medical students who graduated in Norway in 1993 and 1994 are included in the study, and their alcohol consumption and symptoms have been measured at different intervals.
"Fortunately, our numbers are not alarmingly high", notes Grotmol.
But the study identifies some issues that increase the risk of alcohol consumption and depression.
The young student is more depressed
One finding was that the younger medical student has a higher risk of depression.
Grotmol found that the risk of experiencing symptoms of depression later in life increases according to the age at which medical students enter medical school. The risk increases by ten percent for every year by which the medical student's age is lower at the start of their programme.
The average age of medical students at the start of their studies has fallen significantly since the programme started. This should therefore be followed up in new studies.
Stable alchohol consume, less depression
The study shows that alcohol patterns are stable for 15 years after graduation from medical school, while the prevalence of symptoms of depression falls.
"We found a decreasing prevalence of depression for each year, though the decrease was primarily found in the first year after medical school. The decrease then stabilised", says the PhD-student at University of Oslo.
She looked at factors that affect the risk of depression, such as personal characteristics, the age when they start of medical school, ties to parents, and the confidence in their own medical skills.
A neurotic personality with low self-confidence and high self-criticism triples the risk of developing symptoms of depression.
The importance of expectations
The expectations that someone has regarding how alcohol works and what it does to body and mind has long-term effects on their drinking patterns.
"A general expectation that alcohol reduces anxiety increases the risk of hasardous drinking six years into the future", says Grotmol.
She believes it is important to pay attention to these expectations when trying to reduce alcohol consumption. Other studies have shown attention to expectations reduces drinking.
"We must put this on the agenda. It is always important to work on attitudes. As the levels of depressive symptoms are high early on in medical school and in the career, it is important to intervene quickly and to start prevention early in order to prevent an undesirable development", Grotmol concludes.