Dr. Phil on Making Major Decisions

"We all face times in life when we find ourselves in a situation that's so lousy, we're ready to run headlong for anything, anyone, or anyplace. We're desperately looking for something different, without regard for whether it's better, healthier, or even what we want. We just have to get out, so the plan is "Ready, fire, aim!"

Sometimes it may be okay to shoot and then declare what you hit as your target -- but not when we're talking about your marriage, your career, or your life goals. That's why every time you're looking at a major decision, your first test should be to make certain you're running toward something instead of running from something. You need to ask yourself, "Is this an escape-based decision or a target-based decision?" If it's the former, you may be going from the proverbial frying pan right into the fire.

Think back to geometry class: You can't make a straight line unless you can connect two points. When all you've got is a starting place but no destination, you're left with just a dot. How can you plot the trajectory of your life that way? The only direction you're headed in is "Not here!"

That's not good enough.

...Escape-based choices are almost always disastrous, because they solve only half the problem. Target-based decisions at least have a shot at being successful, so keep that in mind every time you have a significant choice to make. Don't be pushed away from what you don't want; let yourself be pulled toward what you do want. I'm not saying your end goals can't change -- of course they might. But don't tell yourself, "So what if this isn't what I'd hoped for? Heck, it beats what I've got." You deserve better."

-Dr.Phil,  read Make The Right Decisions

How to spot an abuser before it get serious

Being in love and have a history of being abused?
How can you prevent yourself from getting into the same situation again?

This is a very good and long row of questions to ask yourself:

How to spot an abusive partner on the first dates By Sam Vaknin

There is a certain pattern going on in potential abusive people.
Make sure that you recognize these!

Sam Vaknin is a keeper of not less then all nine personality-traits of a Narcissist, so we better listen well to his advices.

Soulmates

   "Soul mates aren`t the ones who make you happiest, no. 

They`re instead the ones that make you feel the most. 

Burning edges and stars. Old pains and pangs, captivation and beauty. Strain and shadows and worry and yearning. 

Sweetness and madness and dreamlike surrender. 

They hurl you into the abyss. They taste like hope."

     -Victoria Erickson                            

                                      El salvador

The Power of a Smile

The acclaimed aviator and adventurer wrote Letter to a Hostage for his friend Léon Werth while waiting in Portugal for a passage to the United States, having just escaped the terrors of war-torn France. Saint-Exupéry's observations on the aimless existence of his fellow exiles in Lisbon filled with parties, gambling and spies leads him to examine the nature of existence itself.

"Then the miracle happened. Oh! a very discreet miracle. I had no cigarette. As one of my guards was smoking, I asked him, by gesture, showing the vestige of a smile, if he would give me one. The man first stretched himself, slowly passed his hand across his brow, raised his eyes, no longer to my tie but to my face, and, to my great astonishment, he also attempted a smile. It was like the dawning of the day.                                                                                                         
This miracle did not conclude the tragedy, it removed it altogether, as light does shadow. There had been no tragedy. This miracle altered nothing visible. The feeble oil lamp, the table scattered with papers, the men propped against the wall, the colors, the smell, everything remained unchanged. Yet everything was transformed in its very substance. That smile saved me. It was a sign just as final, as obvious in its future consequences, as unchangeable as the rising of the sun. It marked the beginning of a new era. Nothing had changed, everything was changed. The table scattered with papers became alive. The oil lamp became alive. The walls were alive.The boredom dripping from  every lifeless thing in that cellar grew lighter as if by magic. It seemed that an invisible stream of blood had started flowing again, connecting all things in the same body, and restoring to them their significance. The men had not moved either, but, though a minute earlier they had seemed to be farther away from me than an antediluvian species, now they grew into contemporary life. I had an extraordinary feeling of presence. That is it: of presence. And I was aware of a connection. The boy who had smiled at me, and who, until a few minutes before, had been nothing but a function, a tool, a kind of monstrous insect, appeared now rather awkward, almost shy, of a wonderful shyness — that terrorist! He was no less a brute than any other. But the revelation of the man in him shed such a light upon his vulnerable side! We men assume haughty airs, but within the depth of our hearts, we know hesitation, doubt, grief.

Nothing had yet been said. Yet everything was resolved."

When your geographical location decides your diagnose

I came across these three very informative and easy to understand videos. It made the light-bulb shine at least for a moment!

What a large lack of understanding of blood-chemistry there is and what various impact of our diagnoses!
For example:
1.  The "reference range" of each value is based on blood-samples extracted from ill people, not healthy ones. So what they actually tells you is that you are within the range of what a group of other unhealthy people also have experienced. That sounds weird to me. How can a blood sample really be sure under this circumstances?
2. The variation on what is within "normal levels". It is quite confusing as you will be treated differently according to the standards in the area,country or hospital you are seeing when taking the tests.

3. They do not test for "less likely" reasons for the individuals sufferings.

 A lot of people today are living under severe long-time stress.  This creates over-production of Cortisol in the blood and can lead to lack of other hormones.(as shown in the video about Pregnenolone-steal) Maybe the hot flushes was not menopausal but a disturbance in the hormonal flow caused by stress! And prolonged Cortisol-production can lead to increased sized adrenal-glands because of the high flow. In the end they get into a stage of fatigue and levels of Cortisol drops together with the other hormone levels.

This unbalance also interfere with thyroid disturbance and should be studied closer. Taking Thyroid-hormones without regulating a fatigue adrenal-state or high Cortisol can make additional stress to the adrenal-glands and worsen the symptoms.

 Chronic Fatigue may have a lot in common  with adrenal-fatigue and it could be interesting to discover if the fatigue reduces by taking low-dose,
 (5mg) PREGNENOLONE together with 5 mg DHEA during a 6 months period, stimulating the adrenal-glands to produce the hormones that is missing. Unlike many other medications, the Pregnenolone do not shut down the production in the body, but stimulates it.
The above suggestion is based on several personal experiences from men and women with thyroid-medication and fatigue, hot-flushes or other hormonal related symptoms.

Thyroid-problems can be caused by several other dysfunctions than the one of autoimmune illness. If you have all the symptoms but your doctor tell you that everything is fine, one of these may be the reason. But because there is no regularity in looking at these other options, it often remains in the dark. The 20% (or maybe more) that tests negative on autoimmune should ask for this in particular.

I will let Dr.Walsh speak for himself in these three interesting videos :

Problems with modern Blood-Chemistry, Thyroid Physiology and Effects on stress: Pregnenolone steal

Some of the suggestions to heal from adrenal fatigue:

Lying down during your work breaks (preferably at 10 a.m. and again anytime from 3 to 5 p.m.)

Sleeping until 9 a.m. as often as possible

Laughing

Exercising

Minimizing stress

Taking negative people out of your life

Eating regular meals

Chewing well

Doing something fun each day

Learn more: http://www.naturalnews.com/019339_adrenal_fatigue_chronic_stress.html#ixzz2uMMK8Hov

Trust

"Trust is a great summary measure of a society in which things are working well. Lack of trust, on the other hand, is a measure of how things do not work well in society. 

Why is this the case? Neuroeconomics studies have shown that when someone trusts you, your brain releases oxytocin. When the brain does that, you reciprocate.  So when we’re shown trust, our brains motivate us to be trustworthy. Therefore, countries in which trust is high have effective governments, they have very tight social structures, people interact very well with each other, and there’s a positive feedback loop. "

How important it is for this reason to continuing trusting others even if they sometimes fails, because it creates more motivation to the whole process of being trustworthy- in the whole society.

 A good idea to begin with perhaps may be to trust ourselves?

 If we do not trust ourselves, how can we expect others to do it? 

Tell yourself in the mirror: I am trustworthy! So; go out and let it be :)

Source: Think Big

Success or Failure ?

"The Danish physicist Niels Bohr once said "an expert is simply someone who has made all the mistakes there are to make in a narrow field."

The more we come to understand about the way we learn, the more Bohr's statement holds true. Our brains need us to make prediction errors in order to correct, amend and improve our performance. In short, improvement comes through failure. "

 Megan McArdle, author of The Up Side of Down: Why Failing Well Is the Key to Success      by BIG THINK EDITORS FEBRUARY 21, 2014, 12:00AM

Most businesses fail. Most products fail. Most relationships fail. Derek Jeter, one of the greatest baseball players of his generation, failed to get a hit 68.8 percent of the time. 

How is it that humans have been such a successful species if our endeavors are so defined by failure?

Luckily for us, we are incredibly resilient. 

To stick with the baseball analogy, everybody strikes out. The key is to maintain your composure, step back up to the plate the next time at bat and hit a home run. As Bill Gates, unquestionably one of the world's most successful entrepreneurs has said, "it’s fine to celebrate success, but more important are the lessons of failure." In the startup world, entrepreneurs are taught to fail quickly, learn and move on.
We all get advice, but it’s life experience and usually failure that teaches us the bigger lessons."

And even better, we CAN learn from other peoples failure, we do not actually have to do it all ourselves..

10 thinks to STOP doing if you want to be HAPPY!

Written by James Clear

1. Avoiding deep and meaningful connections (like marriage, close friendships, and staying in touch with family)

 Ultimately, the human experience is about connecting with other people. Connection is what provides value and meaning to our lives. We’re wired for it and research proves just that.

2. Sitting wrecks our bodies: It can significantly increase risk of cardiovascular disease 

You might want to stand up for this. The internet has gone crazy over this infographic that describes the harmful effects of sitting all day.

3. Never stopping to just breathe.

From the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, do you ever take 15 minutes to just sit and breathe? I rarely do. And that’s a shame because the benefits of mindfulness and meditation are huge. Meditation reduces stress and anxiety. Meditation improves your quality of life and boost your immune system. Meditation has been shown to decrease anger and improve sleep, even among prison inmates.

4. Not joining a (spiritual) community

There is an interesting and growing body of medical research that has discovered the positive health effects of religion and spirituality. The science doesn’t necessarily say that there is anything inherently healthy about religion, but it’s all the by-products that come from practicing religion that can make a big difference.For example, people with strong faith often release control of their struggles and worries to a higher power, which can help to relieve anxiety and stress. Religious groups also offer a strong source of community and friendships, which is critical for health and happiness. In many cases, the strength of friendships formed with fellow believers can last for decades, and those strong personal ties are crucial for long-term health.

5. Ignoring your creative abilities.

Expressing yourself creatively reduces the risk of disease and illness while simultaneously strengthening your health and wellness. For example, this study from the Harvard School of Public Health revealed that art helps to reduce stress and anxiety, increase positive emotions, and reduce the likelihood of depression, along with many other benefits.Another study, which was published in the Journal of Biobehavioral Medicine, discovered that creative writing improved the immune system response of HIV patients. For more ideas on why creating art is healthy, read this: The Health Benefits of Creativity.

6. Spending all day indoors.

Exploring the world around you — whether that means traveling to faraway lands or hiking through the woods in your area — provides a wide range of mental and physical benefits. For starters, the benefits of sunlight (and the negative effects of artificial light) are well-documented in research. We know that not being outdoors enough significantly decreases our Vitamin D intake. Additionally, researchers have begun to discover that wilderness excursions — known as “adventure therapy” — can promote weight loss, improve the self-esteem of people with mental illness, and evenreduce the rearrest rates of sex offenders.

7. Spending your time consuming instead of contributing and producing.

When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.

—Eleanor Roosevelt

“You can’t control the amount of time you spend on this planet, but you can control what you contribute while you’re here. These contributions don’t have to be major endeavors. Cook a meal instead of buying one. Play a game instead of watching one. Write a paragraph instead of reading one. You don’t have to create big contributions, you just need to live out small ones each day.”

8. Working too much and in a job that you don’t love

Basically any way in which your job makes you feel stressed is bad for your health — unpredictable commutes, tension and disagreement with your boss or coworkers, feeling undervalued or unappreciated. Even working overtime increases the risk for coronary heart disease, independent of outside factors.

Another crucial element to observe here is to fall in love with our body’s natural rhythm of working: The Ultradian Rhythm. Taking consistent breaks and not working for longer than ~90 minutes, can have a huge benefit for our health and feeling of happiness:

9. Eating alone

Brian Wansink, a Cornell professor and author of Mindless Eating, has written that when people eat alone they are more likely to have a large binge feeding. Additionally, diets suffer when people eat alone. Lonely diners tend to eat fewer vegetables and less healthy meals. It seems that we make less of an effort to eat well when we are by ourselves than when someone else is involved.

10. Believing that you are unworthy of health, happiness, and love

"There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who struggle for it. And that was that people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging.

"That’s it. They believe they’re worthy. The one thing that keeps us out of connection is the fear that we’re not worthy of connection."
—Brene Brown

"If you allow your fear or vulnerability or shame to prevent you from showcasing your true self, then you will be preventing yourself from connecting fully with others. If you want to be able to move past fear, judgement, and uncertainty and into a healthier and happier life, then you have to give yourself permission first. You have to decide that you’re worthy.

Read everything;  10-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself-to-be-happier-backed-by-science

This is some of the best advices I have seen collected together, I think I will print them out and leave them on my fridge! With chronic pain and fatigue it can be hard to get out of the chair/bed/sofa. I think I must make a commitment to myself, so I can begin with improving one point at the time every week. 
Then we will see how it works, maybe I feel happier in ten weeks from now ! 

When life is weighing us down everything becomes heavier!

The Influence of Social Power on Weight Perception.

Lee, Eun Hee; Schnall, Simone
Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Feb 3 , 2014, No Pagination Specified.

"Three studies explored whether social power affects the perception of physical properties of objects, testing the hypothesis that the powerless find objects to be heavier than the powerful do. Correlational findings from Study 1 revealed that people with a low personal sense of power perceived loaded boxes to be heavier than people with a high personal sense of power perceived them to be. In Study 2, experimentally manipulated power indicated that participants in the powerless condition judged the boxes to be heavier than did participants in the powerful condition. Study 3 further indicated that lacking power actively influences weight perception relative to a neutral control condition, whereas having power does not. Although much research on embodied perception has shown that various physiological and psychosocial resources influence visual perception of the physical environment, this is the first demonstration suggesting that power, a psychosocial construct that relates to the control of resources, changes the perception of physical properties of objects. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2014 APA, all rights reserved)"

Interesting findings,and no doubt real. Perhaps why many social "losers" end up on welfare!! So to get out of the circle, empowering people in some way would have good effect. To gain control over our own life is essential for our performance-level in all areas. And acceptance for the things we can not change!

Constructive Critisism

It can be hard to reach the heart when you have something on your mind and try to tell it to someone that need a little bit of correction. A good comment on this from Tim Harford, Big Think:
Constructive Criticism

Paulo Coelho quotes

'

Lottery-imaginations

Buying a lottery-ticket can undermine your self-control and activate materialistic thoughts.
The idea of gaining money without working or earning it have been considered by many as a form of greed. Now research shows that buying a lottery ticket also can make you spend more money (or eat more chocolate!) even if the winner is not even revealed yet.

  "The problem, according to a study published in the Journal of Consumer Research, is that for most people, a lottery ticket leads to thoughts of the wonderful things you would buy if you hit the -jackpot. That focus on concrete, specific items—a type of thinking psychologists call “low-level construal”—makes it very difficult to exercise self-control."....
"“...Self-control is perhaps one of the most important attributes that a person needs to succeed,” he adds. “Materialism has a negative impact on it, and that is of concern to not only individuals, but also society.”
Money flies!
The study also show that people who rather thinking of traveling instead of buying material things have more abstract and long term thinking, and for this reason are less negatively affected according to self control.

“Lottery-induced self-control failure is not universal,” Kim concludes. But his research suggests it is “predominant.” He adds that plenty of other activities also activate “a burst of materialistic thoughts,” including “media filled with lavish consumption.”

That’s why you can’t stop snacking on Bon-Bons as you leaf through Vanity Fair.

So catalysts creating a materialist mindset are all over, and purchasing a lottery ticket is a strong one. If you do so, go right home afterwards—and keep the computer off. Some of those online sales will probably look pretty enticing."

..You can read it here!

More about how to avoid buying too much : Awake Magasine June 2013

Muse - unintended

Chick-wisdom

The Road

Take this my shivering heart  be careful with it from the start  scars and wounds must heal I will carry you like a seal Always and forever? Who knows what time will bring Moving forwards from that light summer rain to this thunderstorm that now beats in my vein it messes with my brain The lightning will strike  on  the highest peak Please don't burn me down I want to make it on my own Then the road will open  the horses can come on My soul is shaking  The road is waiting L.T.

Do you know your limits?

A very interesting article in Scientific American shows how our abilities can expand beyond what we would think of, only by the expectations of it.
The placebo-effect in medicine is well known to us, but this studies take us further into the world of imagination:
"There seems to be a simple way to instantly increase a person’s level of general knowledge. Psychologists Ulrich Weger and Stephen Loughnan recently asked two groups of people to answer questions. People in one group were told that before each question, the answer would be briefly flashed on their screens — too quickly to consciously perceive, but slow enough for their unconscious to take it in. The other group was told that the flashes simply signaled the next question. In fact, for both groups, a random string of letters, not the answers, was flashed. But, remarkably, the people who thought the answers were flashed did better on the test. Expecting to know the answers made people more likely to get the answers right. "

(Maybe this do not mean that people that always think they are right actually is closer to the truth but it could have some interesting potential in some levels.. )

.."Our cognitive and physical abilities are in general limited, but our conceptions of the nature and extent of those limits may need revising. In many cases, thinking that we are limited is itself a limiting factor. There is accumulating evidence that suggests that our thoughts are often capable of extending our cognitive and physical limits..."
...
"Expectancies, such as expecting that one’s work will bring about health benefits, are capable of producing physiological outcomes. Learned associations, such as the association between being an Air Force pilot and having good vision, can alter other cognitive processes, such as visual perception. Meanwhile, placebo effects observed in clinical research work via expectancies and learned associations created by fake operations, sham drugs, etc. Such expectancies and learned associations have been shown to change the chemistry and circuitry of the brain. These changes may result in such physiological and cognitive outcomes as less fatigue, less immune system reaction, elevated hormone levels, and less anxiety. The interventions that resulted in better performance in a knowledge test or better vision are placebos outside of the clinical context. However, the chemical and neural mechanisms by which they operate are probably similar."

In other words, having low expectations will make us perhaps do a lower performance as this effect goes both ways. Other studies have indicated that we are more likely to fail if others or/we expect us to fail. ("others" may be the parents, friends,co-workers or spouses) 
If you find yourself in a environment where little or nothing is expected from you it could also be damaging your self-esteem. This may be at work or school where the tasks is not in proportions to your real skills, or in other specific situations like if you are ill and others "overdo" things to help you out.  

We can not always count on our thinking-power to solve all kinds of challenges, but it sure make a difference on the outcome in many cases. That brings to my mind the words of Jesus from Luke 17;5,6 :"Now the apostles said to the Lord: “Give us more faith.”Then the Lord said: “If ​YOU​ had faith the size of a mustard grain, ​YOU​ would say to this black mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea!’ and it would obey ​YOU."  

The proofs that our faith actually makes a difference should make us think a little longer into the ways to achieve more faith. 

IF, Rudyard Kipling

Another of my favorite poems, If by Rudyard Kipling:

"Inspiration

If by Doubleday Page & Co., Garden City, New York, 1910, and ebay.

According to his 1937 autobiography Something of Myself, Kipling wrote If— in his Burwash, East Sussex home Bateman's inspired by the news surrounding Dr Leander Starr Jameson in 1895, when Jameson led about five hundred of his countrymen in an armed raid against the Boers in southern Africa. What has become known as the Jameson Raid was later seen as a major factor in bringing about the Boer War of 1899 to 1902, but at the time the story as recounted in the press was quite different than the events. The British defeat was interpreted as a victory and Jameson portrayed as a compassionate, daring hero in the hour of ultimate despair and chaos. From 1904 to 1908 he served as Prime Minister of the Cape Colony. On different occasions, both Jameson and Kipling were guests at the South African ranch of Cecil Rhodes, who sponsored the raid.

The last three stanzas of The Undertaking by John Donne are said to have served as a model for the format of the poem.

Influence

If by Rudyard Kipling in the Dave Wood Art Gallery.

If— in turn has inspired a multitude of artists, from greeting card designers to translators to musicians such as the Czech composer Otmar Mácha (in his Songs of the White Men from 1947), Howard Blake(whose version was recorded in the Royal Albert Hall 23 March 1999) and Joni Mitchell (on her albumShine, released 25 September 2007). The poem is read on Youtube by kings and commoners alike, ranging from Robert Morley and Dennis Hopper to livingpassion and Ukuleleric. The rendering as If by Rudyard Kipling Compared to No Suprises by Radiohead is certainly the most confronting. Do enjoy the team effort of If - World Cup 98 and the personal touch "If" (We Can Make a Difference to Our Kids).

When in 1995 the BBC asked the people for Britain's favourite poem, Kipling's If— received twice as many votes as the second in line, Tennyson's The Lady of Shalott."

                                               IF

• If you can keep your head when all about you
• Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
• If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
• But make allowance for their doubting too;
• If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
• Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
• Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
• And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
•  
• If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
• If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
• If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
• And treat those two impostors just the same;
• If you can bear to hear the truth you ’ve spoken
• Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
• Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
• And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
•  
• If you can make one heap of all your winnings
• And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
• And lose, and start again at your beginnings
• And never breathe a word about your loss;
• If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
• To serve your turn long after they are gone,
• And so hold on when there is nothing in you
• Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”
•  
• If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
• Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
• If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
• If all men count with you, but none too much;
• If you can fill the unforgiving minute
• With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
• Yours is the Earth and everything that ’s in it,
• And—which is more—you ’ll be a Man, my son!

Written in 1895, first published at the end of Brother Square Toes, the seventh chapter of the children's storybook Rewards and Fairies in 1910."

Translated to other languages and more :spanish

Words of Anais Nin

Collect moments, not things

As several recent researches brings out it may be better for you to invest your money into memorable moments in your life than into real estate, at least when it comes to happiness.
Forsaking travels, family, dinners or other activities to earn/save money for the sake of owning your own house may not give a better life in the long run. Loans, repairs, taxes etc. may cause worries. The pleasure of owning a property soon becomes a habit, and the responsibilities takes up your time and decide your priorities.
So why not try to think differently, after all people who rent a place is not more unhappy that those that own their own. Money saved for repairs could be spent making a nice travel to a place you never visited before, family activities, or you could sell your property and go volunteer working for a year or two! That would bring even more meaning into life, and boost the healthy ways of happiness!
Read more in the New York Times.





        Interesting places to go (Recommendations from National Geographic):

Madagaskar

                                                                               Cuba

                                                                       
                                                                         Australia

..or why not explore one of these European adventures, like joining a photo workshop in Paris ?
Make your own wish-list and make it real!
These arrangements are of course not necessary to follow but give ideas to work on.
More travel tips from Travel National Georaphic

You may find it even more interesting if you book accommodation through this page, private lodgings @ www.airbnb.com, a different way to see the culture and a great way to know the area you visit by getting to know local people.